COMMUNITY
AUDIENCE
All community groups
OVERVIEW
This is where biblical community starts. Whether you’re a new community group, or an existing group looking to refocus on the fundamentals, there’s something here to learn or be reminded of. Community 101 helps lay the foundation of how to live together in biblical community, using God’s Word as a guide.
WEEKLY SESSIONS: 8
Introduction / Biblical Community
Devote Daily
Pursue Relationally
Counsel Biblically
Live Authentically
Admonish Faithfully
Engage Missionally
Aligning Expectations
PREPARATION
Read through the weekly material in advance of your group meeting, and answer the discussion questions in the chapter. When you come together as a group, discuss your main takeaways from the reading, and process everyone’s answers to the discussion questions together.
CHAPTER 1: BIBLICAL COMMUNITY
“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” —Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Imagine having friends who are committed to following Jesus with you, who know you and love you, who encourage you and remind you of God’s best for you, and who help you use your gifts and abilities in impactful ways. You laugh together, sometimes cry together, and invest deeply in each other, united by your common bond in Christ. That’s biblical community. Does it sound like something you’d like?
BIBLICAL COMMUNITY – WHAT’S THAT?
Put simply, biblical community happens when Christians commit to being intentional with each other for the purpose of growing in their love for God, each other, and others. It’s what life looks like when believers follow the Bible’s teachings on how they should live. That’s a pretty broad definition, but it’s a broad topic! God’s Word has many things to say about doing life together according to God’s plan.
Biblical community seeks to live out the greatest commandment in the Bible, which is to love God and love others (Matthew 22:37-39). Community is also a response to Jesus’ instruction to his followers, that they love one another like He has loved them (John 13:34).
If it’s as simple as loving God and loving others, though, you might be wondering why there are more pages to this book! The truth is that the Bible gives a lot more details and examples of how our love is expressed through action. Many of them are explained by about 50 verses in the Bible that are called “One Another”. If you want to know how to love, these are for you.
While we may not often “greet one another with a holy kiss” in our culture (Romans 16:16), there are many practical verses that explain what it looks like to love those we’re in community with, such as:
Prefer (Romans 12:10)
Admonish (Colossians 3:16)
Accept (Romans 15:7)
Pray (James 5:16)
Encourage (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
Care (Galatians 6:2)
Comfort (2 Corinthians 1:4)
Confess (James 5:16)
Forgive (Ephesians 4:32)
Serve (1 Peter 4:10)
We’ll cover some of the One Anothers in the following chapters of Community 101, but we’d also encourage you to spend some of your own time digging deeper into what God’s Word says in the One Another verses.
WHY LIVE LIKE THIS?
In the introduction, we said that biblical community connects people in authentic relationships that lead to spiritual transformation. We’ve heard countless testimonies of how God has used biblical community to radically change people’s lives, transforming them to be more like Jesus.
If you’re pursuing community to get Christian friends, to study the Bible, or to get an accountability partner, those are all great things, but you might be setting your sights too low. We’d encourage you to pray that God uses biblical community to make you more like Jesus (Romans 8:29)! That’s a lofty target, and it might mean some significant growth and change for you, but God will be with you every step of the way (Hebrews 13:5).
It’s important to remember that you can’t change yourself or other people through your own wisdom, power, or influence. God is the one who works in you to help you think and to act in ways that honor Him (Philippians 2:13). It’s God who began a good work in your life, and He’s the one who will complete that work (Philippians 1:6).
God is the source of the transforming power of biblical community, and He’s the reason we live this way. If your group tries to do community on your own, relying on yourselves, you’ll get nowhere. But if you trust God together, point each other to His Word for truth, and live according to His ways, that’s where the transformation happens!
COMMUNITY CORE VALUES
The remainder of Community 101 will focus on some core values that we’ve identified for what biblical community should look like. We’ll provide the shortlist here, and then take a chapter at a time to unpack each one of them.
As we get started, though, it’s important to remember that we live in community out of love and obedience, not legalism. Jesus tells us that anyone who loves Him obeys His teaching (John 14:23). Part of loving Jesus is doing what His Word says. But we can’t forget why we obey—we love and obey God because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). So as we live in community, we’re responding to the love that God has first shown us, not earning His love by how we live. As we mentioned above, there are many verses that talk about living in community with other Christians. Out of those, we’ve chosen six core values and verses that explain what an authentic biblical community should look like:
Devote Daily (John 15:5)
Pursue Relationally (Romans 12:10)
Counsel Biblically (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
Live Authentically (James 5:16)
Admonish Faithfully (Colossians 3:16)
Engage Missionally (Matthew 28:19-20)
We’ll unpack each of these in more detail in the following chapters of Community 101. Journey on with us!
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Before reading this chapter, how would you have defined biblical community? How has your definition changed?
Do you have a testimony of how your life, or the life of someone you know, has been changed by living in biblical community?
Do you understand the “why” of living in community? Are there any thoughts or questions you have about obedience vs. legalism?
Which of the “One Anothers” above stood out to you, and why?
What excites you most about getting into community? What are you most nervous about?
CHAPTER 2: DEVOTE DAILY
“I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)
Community Core Value #1: Devote ourselves daily to a personal relationship with Jesus.
IT STARTS WITH YOU AND JESUS
If you’ve ever flown on an airplane, you’ve heard the safety message about oxygen masks that will deploy in the event of an emergency. After explaining the function of the masks, the flight attendants add another message: first put the mask on yourself, and then you’ll be able to help others. In other words, first, make sure that you’re connected to what gives you life, and then you’ll be able to help others do the same.
Do you see the analogy to community? Unless you’re first connected to Jesus, the source of life, you won’t be able to help others connect to Him and receive life from Him. Unless you’re walking with Jesus, building intimacy with Him, and drawing your strength from Him, you won’t have anything to offer others. Apart from Jesus, you can do nothing (John 15:5). Like a branch disconnected from the life-giving vine, you will wither once your own resources are exhausted. Jesus must first breathe continual life into you, for you to breathe life into others.
INVESTING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP DAILY
When you read the word “devote” in the core value, that may bring up thoughts of “doing your devotional,” or “having a quiet time,” which may or may not be positive, depending on your experience. The dictionary defines devotion as “love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person.” In being devoted to Christ, what you’re really doing is expressing love, loyalty, and enthusiasm for Him! That’s truly life-giving, and anything but stale.
Just like your relationships with other people, your relationship with Christ requires an investment of time and energy on your part. In His case, it should be a priority every day of your life. Before loving others, the greatest commandment that Jesus gives is to love God with everything you have (Matthew 22:37). The best thing you can do for those in your community group is to be fully invested in your relationship with Jesus, and fully devoted to following Him.
DEVOTING THROUGH DISCIPLINE
As you invest in your relationship with Jesus, you discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness (1 Timothy 4:7b). “Discipline” is another one of those words that can bring up pleasant or unpleasant thoughts, depending on your experience. Put simply, being spiritually disciplined means forming habits that help you grow spiritually. These are God-given means to grow in godliness and not a spiritual to-do list that measures your love for God or makes God love you more.
You can practice spiritual disciplines together as a community group, but they first have to take root in your own life. Some examples of spiritual disciplines include reading and memorizing the Bible, prayer, worship, service, fellowship, and solitude. These are valuable ways that you can invest in your relationship with Jesus on a daily basis.
SHARE WHAT YOU’RE LEARNING
As you to grow in godliness, don’t keep that growth to yourself! God can use what He’s teaching you to encourage and challenge your community as well. Make a point of sharing what God is teaching you with your group. You will encourage each other, challenge each other, and help one another become more fully devoted followers of Christ.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Have you ever tried to invest in others when you were not drawing life from Christ? How did that go?
How have you grown spiritually in the past year? What are area(s) that you would like to keep growing in?
What has your experience with the spiritual disciplines been like? What disciplines do you practice? Which are the most life-giving to you?
What have been your motivations for developing spiritual disciplines in your life? Are they the right reasons?
Are you a naturally disciplined person, or do you struggle to be disciplined? How do you see community helping you with spiritual discipline?
Do you see the disciplines as walking in obedience and building intimacy, or does it feel like obligation or legalism?
CHAPTER 3: PURSUE RELATIONALLY
“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.” (Romans 12:10)
Community Core Value #2: Pursue deep relationships with one another based on love.
DEVOTED TO ONE ANOTHER
Has anyone cared enough about you that they were willing to put your needs before their own? They’d learn and do things that bring you joy, and invest time in getting to know you better. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Biblical community gives us all an opportunity to experience those things and to relate to each other in that way.
Devotion. There’s that word again! Just as we talked in the last chapter about being devoted to God, here we see that Scripture calls us to be devoted to one another as well. Being devoted to someone else means investing time and energy into the relationship, loving them as a brother or sister—even when they may not feel lovable—and putting their needs above your own (Philippians 2:3). There’s also a commitment to one another, where you do all those things even when it may not be easy. A friend loves at all times (Proverbs 17:17).
LIFE BEYOND THE GROUP MEETING
Typically, groups meet together for a few hours every week or two, for their “official” group time. Those are really important times, but your group’s relationships can’t stop there—to grow your relationships, you must engage in one another’s lives outside of the group meeting. This takes effort and intentionality since everyone’s busy and time is at a premium, but it’s so important and so worth it. Don’t just settle for a weekly meeting—build relationships on purpose!
One of the best ways that your group can do this is by initiating with one another regularly outside of official group time. Initiators don’t wait for the phone to ring; they make the call! Don’t compartmentalize community into just a few hours that you meet together; expand it to include other parts of your life. This happens over time as your relationships grow, but make this a priority as you get started.
PRACTICAL PURSUIT
There are some practical ways that your group can pursue deep relationships with one another. Really, the possibilities are limitless, but these four will get you started.
Fellowship. Acts 2:42 describes how believers in the early church did life together—among other things, they devoted themselves to fellowship with one another. Fellowship can be defined as “a friendly relationship among people.” In other words, be friends! Don’t view the people in your group as “only” your community group, but not your “real” friends. Treat each other like you would treat your good friends. You may not feel like really good friends at first, but that fellowship will grow into true and lasting friendships as you continue pursuing and investing in each other.
Care. The Bible says that God has made the body of Christ in a special way so that the members can care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:24-26). Your community group is a smaller expression of the larger local body of Christ, and you are called to care for each other as you would care for yourself. Look for practical ways to meet one another’s needs, like following up on something that was shared, writing an encouraging note, bringing a meal, helping with an errand, or assisting in times of crisis.
Prayer. Prayer is something that all Christians should devote themselves to (Colossians 4:2). Not only can you pray for other members of your group, but you can also pray with each other. Seeking God together is a powerful way to grow your relationships. Be intentional in noting prayer requests that each person has, and be faithful in following up on those requests.
Fun. Just because community has some serious intentionality doesn’t mean that it can’t be a lot of fun! There is definitely a time to laugh together (Ecclesiastes 3:4). Play together often. Find out what each other likes to do, and do those things together. Take a weekend retreat together to a fun place, or find a fun activity in town that everyone can participate in. Creativity is an expression of love, and a great way to intentionally pursue each other is to get creative in how you have fun together.
EMBRACING IMPERFECTION
As you read about ways to build and pursue relationships with your community group, you may be thinking, “that’s all great, but I’m not sure I even like these people.” We all have expectations that we bring into community, and one of those may be to spend time with others who are just like us, who are easy to know and like, who don’t have problems, and who won’t require us to get outside of our comfort zone. That’s pretty idealistic, and usually isn’t how it works in real life. And that’s actually a good thing!
Jesus said that it’s not healthy people who need a doctor, but the sick (Matthew 9:12). The application to community is that it’s not the perfect people who need community, but the broken, the needy, and the imperfect. And that’s all of us! It means that things can get messy at times, and
people won’t be exactly who you expect or want them to be, just like you may not be exactly what someone else is expecting or looking for.
When we’re practicing a real, biblical community, we get a firsthand look at the struggles, pitfalls, and challenges that all of us experience in our day-to-day lives. And the truth is, God wouldn’t have it any other way. So, guess what? Community can be messy, but we experience true life when we are known and cared for by others on this journey. God will connect your hearts together with those in your group, so you can move past being frustrated by your differences to see the beauty in them and fully embrace them by God’s grace, accepting one another in the same way that Jesus has accepted you (Romans 15:7).
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Would you say that your expectations of getting into community are more idealist or messy? Why would you say that is?
What do you think it looks like to be devoted to one another? What are some practical ways you can think of to do that?
What are some things that you like to do for fun? What are some things you could do together as a group?
What’s a relationship where you have experienced real acceptance? What do you think acceptance could look like in this group?
CHAPTER 4: COUNSEL BIBLICALLY
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
Community Core Value #3: Offer and receive biblical counsel in all areas of life.
If God talked to you, would you listen? A well-known pastor said, “If you want to hear God speak, just read the Bible out loud.” Wow—that’s an amazing thought! When you read the Bible, you’re not reading some irrelevant concepts written down a couple of thousand years ago—you’re hearing the very words of God, spoken to you today.
Scripture being inspired by God means that it all comes from Him (2 Timothy 3:16-17). As such, it has the authority to speak into our individual lives, but also into life as a whole. Jesus said that all authority in heaven and on earth belongs to Him (Matthew 28:18). Since all authority belongs to Him, and His Word expresses His will for our lives, every part of our lives is subject to the authority of Scripture. Nothing is off-limits to God and His Word!
When discussing the things that come up in community, you may be prone to leading with your own opinions and experiences to offer advice or counsel. That can definitely feel easier at times than digging into what the Bible says about a particular topic. Your opinions and experiences may be valid, but it’s important to remember that God is the authority on ALL topics and that His thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). We shouldn’t supplement our opinions with Scripture; we must form our opinions based on Scripture.
OFFERING BIBLICAL COUNSEL
Each person in your group should strive to offer and receive biblical counsel in all areas of life. You may be thinking, “Who, me? How can I offer counsel from God’s Word? I’m not a counselor!” You may not be, but the good news is that you don’t have to be; you simply have to be a student of God’s Word. If you don’t know the answers, you can always ask the question: “What does the Bible say about that?” You can search for the answers together during group time, or give yourselves a little homework to research and come back with God’s perspective from His Word.
The Bible says that as Christians, we are able to instruct one another (Romans 15:14). This doesn’t come from ourselves, but from God, who gives us the ability to do it (2 Peter 1:3). The ability to counsel from God’s Word doesn’t come from you, but rather from God’s power working in you. You can trust Him! If you’re still thinking that it would be hard to offer counsel from God’s Word, we’ve got good news for you: God does the work! His Word is living, active, and sharper than a sword, able to determine and judge our thoughts and intentions (Hebrews 4:12). Share God’s Word in a situation, then watch Him work.
As you’re offering counsel, it’s important to be sure that you’re using Scripture correctly, and not just grabbing a single verse out of context. Study God’s Word so that you understand its true meaning, then apply it generously to life! For more information on this, see “Six Steps to Understanding the Bible” in the appendix.
RECEIVING BIBLICAL COUNSEL
The Bible is full of encouragement to listen to counsel. Proverbs tells us that not having guidance leads to failure, but having an abundance of counselors brings victory (Proverbs 11:14). They also tell us to listen to counsel and accept discipline, so that we can be wise for the rest of our lives (Proverbs 19:20). Wisdom is available to us from God’s Word, and from God’s people sharing His Word with us—we should listen.
Sometimes you might hear counsel from others that aren’t what you wanted to hear. If it’s really from God’s Word and lines up with what Scripture intends, then there may be times that you need to humbly accept the truth (James 1:21). Humbly receiving biblical counsel isn’t always easy, but it’s wise. Humility is the fear of the Lord (Proverbs 22:4), and the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10). If you want to be wise, humble yourself and listen to what God is saying through His Word and His people.
DOERS, NOT JUST HEARERS
It doesn’t stop at just listening though—we must put God’s Word into practice in our daily lives. This is a process called “application”. You’re answering the question, “how can I make this truth from God’s Word become reality in my life?” Your community group can help you process and answer this.
If we don’t apply God’s Word to our lives and follow its teachings, we’re just fooling ourselves (James 1:22). Jesus said that those who hear His words and put them into practice are wise and have a solid foundation, but those who don’t are foolish people who will falter when tough times come (Matthew 7:24-27).
Be wise! Help one another know what God’s Word says, and apply it to your lives.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
What’s your background with the Bible?
How familiar are you with what it says?
Do you see the Bible as applicable to your life and authoritative over your life? How, and in what ways?
Do you feel competent to offer counsel to others using God’s Word? How can you continue to grow in this area?
CHAPTER 5: LIVE AUTHENTICALLY
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (James 5:16)
Community Core Value #4: Live authentically, sharing our struggles.
HOW ARE YOU DOING, REALLY?
Have you ever worn a mask? Maybe you dressed up as a superhero when you were a kid or went to a party in costume. Those masks can be fun, but when it comes to community, we can put on a different kind of mask, and those generally aren’t good.
It may not feel like you’re wearing one right now, but we can all be tempted to make ourselves appear to be something that we’re not, or to make it seem like we’re doing just fine when in reality we’re struggling or walking in sin. The result of that kind of mask is isolation, which destroys community and goes against all sound wisdom (Proverbs 18:1).
Community helps us take off the mask of appearing to have it all together and be fully known and fully loved. A big way you can do that is to commit to being completely honest with one another. This means giving others permission to know the real you by sharing how you’re really doing. This lets your community encourage and lovingly challenge you to move toward Christ (Hebrews 10:24-25), and to not be hardened by the presence of sin in your life (Hebrews 3:13). Sharing your true condition with others isn’t about shame, punishment, or condemnation (Romans 8:1); it’s about love, joy, and freedom (John 8:32)!
KNOWING THEIR CONDITION
In addition to sharing how you’re really doing, part of living in community is knowing how the other members of your group are doing. Just as you should strive to be fully known, you should strive to fully know others (Proverbs 27:23), so that you can understand how to best love, care for, and support them. In this, you are your “brother’s keeper” (Genesis 4:9), and can help bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2)
TIME AND TRUST
If the idea of sharing how you’re really doing with your new group gives you cold sweats, you’re not alone. It can feel scary and vulnerable to present a real image to others that aren’t perfect and is maybe even really broken. That kind of sharing takes a level of trust with each other, which usually takes time to build. And that’s OK! But if you have the foundation of love and acceptance (Chapter 3, “Embracing Imperfection”), you can take steps towards being really honest with each other. As you share, and your group responds in a loving way, you’ll find that it builds trust and that it becomes easier and more natural to be completely transparent.
BRING IT INTO THE LIGHT
With that in mind, what does it mean to actually share the sin and struggles that we like to keep in the dark? It means bringing those things to the light (Ephesians 5:11). That isn’t easy to do, since it goes against our sinful nature to expose those things (John 3:20). But as Christians, the Bible calls us to live as children of God who walk in the light as we follow Him (Ephesians 5:8, John 3:21).
This means that we need to confess our sins to each other (James 5:16). You should be honest about what you’re struggling with, and why. Don’t just focus on the behavior, but also on what’s going on in your heart, which is where sin comes from (Matthew 15:19). Since the way you live comes from your heart (Proverbs 4:23; 27:19), if you only confess your actions, the root of the problem will stay in the dark.
I CONFESSED – NOW WHAT?
In response to any sin that’s shared, the Bible tells us that we should pray for healing (James 5:16). This is a powerful way to support one another as a community group. When someone confesses sin, pray for them right then. Ask God to heal their heart. Share verses from Scripture that speak to what they shared (Chapter 4, “Offering Biblical Counsel”). Remember that you still need to accept each other, just as Christ has accepted you (Romans 15:7). Be kind to each other, be compassionate, and forgive each other in the same way that God has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32).
After you confess, you’ll probably feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. God has forgiven you, and fellowship is restored (1 John 1:7,9). The next step is repentance, which is actively turning away from the sin that you confessed (Acts 3:19). Your group should help each other process through what repentance looks like, and how you can continue to turn towards God and away from your sin.
Then, you move forward. The Bible says that when a righteous person falls, they get back up and keep going (Proverbs 24:16). By God’s grace, we can move past what we’ve done, and press on towards Christ (Philippians 3:13-14), being confident that nothing we do could ever make God stop loving us (Romans 8:38-39). Don’t isolate yourself in the dark with your sin. Come out of hiding, confess to community, and enjoy the life and healing that follow.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Have you felt comfortable sharing a real struggle with someone? If so, what was it about them that made them feel safe?
Has someone in your past broken trust with you after you shared something personal?
What excites or scares you about giving someone permission to see the real you?
Would you say you’re ready for accountability? If not, how do you think you can get comfortable with it?
Is there anything you’re currently struggling with that God is prompting you to share or confess?
CHAPTER 6: ADMONISH FAITHFULLY
“Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” (Colossians 3:16)
Community Core Value #5: Encourage and admonish one another faithfully towards maturity.
GO! FIGHT! WIN!
If you’ve ever been to a sporting event, you know how important it is to have encouragement. Whether it comes from cheerleaders, screaming fans, a teammate, or a coach, being encouraged helps athletes perform to their best potential, drawing strength from those who are supporting them. The same thing is true in community.
Life can be hard, and we need reminders and encouragement from those around us, such as:
Be bold, be strong (Ephesians 6:10, 19)
Keep your eyes on the prize (Philippians 3:14)
Don’t lose heart (1 Thessalonians 5:14)
Keep doing good (Galatians 6:9)
Finish well (1 Corinthians 9:24)
We need other believers to encourage us to be all that God has created us to be and to remind us that there is no life outside of Christ and obedience to Him.
REMINDING OF GOD’S BEST
Reminding one another about life in Christ: that’s what the word “admonish” from Colossians 3:16 means. It means telling others God’s truth and exerting loving, positive influence to help them walk in that truth.
It doesn’t mean controlling their behavior or beating them up for their sin. Any admonishment should first be delivered with patience, grace, and compassion. If someone doesn’t respond initially, it could become a warning, or even a loving rebuke or strong correction (1 Thessalonians 5:14a, 2 Timothy 4:2). But the motivation should always be some - one’s growth, not their shame. God is patient, slow to anger, and abounding in love (Psalm 103:8), and it’s His kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4b). As you admonish one another, you should be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to become angry, remembering that anger and frustration don’t produce the righteousness that God desires for us (James 1:19).
KEEP / STOP / START
A practical way to think about encouragement and admonishment is to answer three questions for yourself and to help others answer for themselves. Something like this: “in order to fully obey God’s Word and pursue His best for me, what do I need to:
Keep doing (encourage one another to keep up the good work)
Stop doing (point out sin or unproductive behaviors to turn away from)
Start doing (suggest new opportunities to pursue Christ more fully)
Processing these questions in a thorough and loving way will help your group point one another toward Christ.
RESPONDING TO REMINDERS
The same principles that we discussed earlier regarding receiving biblical counsel apply here (Chapter 3, “Receiving Biblical Counsel”). We should respond humbly, not with anger or by trying to deflect attention to someone else’s issues. Chances are good, though, that someone in your group will admonish you in a way that isn’t perfect and might even be really frustrating to you. You may be tempted to respond with one of these four destructive communication patterns:
Withdrawal (simply ending the discussion or leaving the situation)
Escalation (adding fuel to the fire, responding with anger and intensity)
Negative Interpretation (assuming they meant to hurt you)
Invalidation (denying the significance of what they’re sharing)
Instead of responding in one of those ways, we need to honor these reminders of God’s perfect truth delivered by imperfect people, by responding in a way that’s humble, gentle, patient, and loving (Ephesians 4:2).
CONFLICT, GOD’S WAY
If a negative response to something escalates into a conflict, that isn’t the end of the road for your group! Handing conflict biblically is an excellent way for your group to love one another and grow closer together. Don’t stop when things get tough. During the conflict, healthy community groups commit to responding according to the following principles:
Keep short accounts; don’t let your anger stew (Ephesians 4:26)
Look at your own heart; get the log out of your own eye (Matthew 7:3-5)
Go and show your brother his fault (Matthew 18:15)
Go and be reconciled (Matthew 5:23-24)
There might be some sparks as you sharpen each other (Proverbs 27:17), but your group can help grow and sharpen each other by how you remind each other of God’s truth and respond to conflict in a way that honors Him.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Who’s an encourager in your life? How can someone encourage you best?
How are you at reminding others of God’s truth in a loving way?
Does anything come to mind that you need to keep doing, stop doing, or start doing?
What’s your typical response when someone tells you something that is true, but you might not want to hear?
How was conflict handled in your family growing up?
How have you handled conflict/miscommunications in the past with friends? What’s your typical response now?
CHAPTER 7: ENGAGE MISSIONALLY
“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Jesus, in Matthew 28:19–20)
Community Core Value #6: Engage intentionally with our city and the world to make disciples.
GET OUTSIDE THE LIVING ROOM
Picture this: a group of athletes wants to perform at a high level in their sport. They’ve committed themselves to their training. They’ve received instruction from their coach, and encouragement from friends. They’ve been honest about their weaknesses and have disciplined themselves to strengthen them. They’ve been reminded of their potential, and everyone is supporting them.
And then, when the big moment comes, they are unwilling to leave the huddle.
Wouldn’t that be tragic? All the work that they put in would be negated by the fact that they didn’t get in the game when it actually mattered.
In community, it would be equally tragic if all the investments we made in each other’s growth didn’t “leave the living room,” so to speak. If your group is only inwardly focused, looking to your own needs instead of those around you, you’re missing a big part of what God wants for you. We are all God’s workmanship, created to do good works, which God has prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10). If your community group doesn’t impact the way you believe, think, and act outside of the group, it isn’t working.
Getting outside your living room could mean something as close as having a conversation with your neighbor, or it could mean something as far as taking a trip to the other side of the world. Wherever “there” is for you, you should engage intentionally for the cause of Christ. It’s no accident that you’re alive when you are, and living where you are—it’s God-ordained (Acts 17:26).
THE GREAT COMMISSION
In the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20), Jesus tells his followers to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them, and teaching people to obey everything He had taught. This commission applies to every believer, and it applies to your group.
You are called to multiply yourselves and create other fully devoted followers of Jesus. This means sharing the gospel, loving others, and teaching God’s truth to them like it has been taught to you. This may feel daunting, but you aren’t doing it alone! Jesus will go with you (Matthew 28:20), and your group can support you as well.
KNOW YOUR GIFTS, USE YOUR GIFTS
Fulfilling the Great Commission might look different for everyone. Each one of you has special gifts and should use them to serve others as a good steward of God’s grace (1 Peter 4:10). You are uniquely wired to serve God in the way that He wants you to. You may not feel particularly gifted, but God can use you in significant ways.
As you get to know each other, your community group can help identify and build upon your spiritual gifts, which God has given to each of you for the common good (Romans 12:3-8, 1 Corinthians 12:4-11). You can encourage each other to serve individually, and you can also leverage your collective gifts to serve together. With your group, talk through how you can love and serve:
The local body of Christ (Galatians 6:10)
Other believers (1 Peter 4:10)
Non-believers (Luke 19:10)
The poor and needy (James 1:27, Proverbs 14:31)
People in other nations (Acts 1:8, Matthew 28:19)
Pray for one another that you would be effective in ministry and service, and pray with one another that God would use you to build His kingdom!
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
What are some experiences you’ve had in serving others?
How comfortable are you with sharing the gospel with others? What are some steps you could take to grow in this area?
Do you know what your spiritual gifts are? If not, how can you begin learning what they are?
Is it easy or hard to believe that God wants to use you uniquely to love others and serve him? Why?
What are some ways that you could love and serve others in the areas noted above?
Who’s the next person that you would like to intentionally engage with about Jesus? How can we pray for that person and your interactions with them?
CHAPTER 8: ALIGNING EXPECTATIONS
“Then make my joy complete by being likeminded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.” (Philippians 2:2)
“Community group is great!” “Community group is terrible!” These statements are obviously quite different, but they could actually come from two people in the same group. In that case, it would likely be that each person had very different expectations of what the community group experience would be like. Aligning expectations with your entire group is an important part of caring for one another well. It prioritizes intentional communication, helps avoid hurt feelings and conflict, and provides a sense of security that the group is functioning as intended.
ALIGNMENT QUESTIONS
Here are a few questions that you can discuss and process as you set expectations for what your group will look like moving forward. Your group should be able to arrive at an agreement for each of these as you pray through where God is leading you. If it feels difficult to come to an agreement, keep at it! Remember and apply the principles discussed in this book, such as making decisions based on God’s Word, putting others’ interests before your own, being kind and patient with one another, and handling any conflict in a biblical way.
How frequently will we meet? When and where? Will it change?
What kind of study will we do, if any? What will a typical meeting look like?
How much interaction will we have together outside of group time? What are our expectations for what that will look like (e.g. phone calls, texts, hanging out, being checked on, etc.)? As your friendships grow, time spent together outside of the group will feel increasingly natural.
Where will community groups rate in relation to other activities and priorities? When might it be okay to miss group meetings? Everyone should expect to attend every meeting that they possibly can. But it would be unrealistic to think that life doesn’t bring unexpected circumstances that might prevent you from making it on a given week.
What will it look like to counsel one another from Scripture? How will we handle opinions and experiences that may not come from God’s Word? Refer to Chapter 4, “Counsel Biblically”
How will we define authenticity and accountability? How should we approach accountability in this group? Should any topics be off-limits to discuss with the group (e.g. relationships, finances, parenting, etc.)? Refer to Chapter 5, “Live Authentically”
Will we serve together as a group or as individuals? Will we adopt a cause? Refer to Chapter 7, “Engage Missionally”
REALIGNMENT
Aligning expectations early as a group is a great step, but it doesn’t mean that the process should never happen again. As relationships grow, healthy groups periodically discuss their expectations and assess how they are doing. You can informally discuss expectations as needed, but consider setting a time within the next six months to sit down together and talk through expectations again and how the group is working.
A LIFELONG JOURNEY
Congratulations! We hope that processing through the chapters and Scriptures referenced in this book has brought your group closer together and that even now you are walking together in an authentic biblical community. It won’t always be easy, but it will always be worth it, as God uses these authentic relationships to transform you.
One thing we recommend as you continue to journey together is to share your story and testimony with one another at a deeper level.
You’ve got a lifetime of walking in community ahead of you. It may not always be with this current group, but these truths apply to whatever community situation you find yourself in. There’s a valuable reward to be gained from these relationships. Press on to win the prize (Philippians 3:14)!